34 Going On 12

(an immature 12)

One post since 2014. This makes two.

I would say I feel like a failure for not keeping up with this or that, but that’s not entirely right. I’ve been keeping up with other things — taking care of myself and my surroundings. Simply, unwrecking my world.

I moved and that has improved my surroundings. The lull that I’ve entered is delicious. It’s much needed and will allow me to carry on the next time shit gets wrecked. Wouldn’t have it any other way, though. All good is just as bad as all bad, yeah? A different kind of bad, anyway. Like a Michael Jackson kind of bad.

While searching for new digs, one criterion was having a dedicated room for doing art. I’m still unpacking, but my brushes and paints are out. I found scraps of canvas that I cut a while back and have started a painting.

Confession: I have been notoriously careless when it comes to painting (or doing any kind of art). My needs (what I thought) were to simply get out whatever is in my head. I get the image out, but it’s a bastardized version of what I wanted to do. My impatience let the shoddiness slide just so I could move on to whatever was next. And if nothing was next, then I did nothing. Since coming to this shameful realization this year, I have kicked my impatience in the teeth and now it’s in a semi-conscious state and unable to speak.

This painting is taking much longer than normal. It’s not even a quarter of the way done. This is driving me mad, but I need it to drive me mad. It’s good for me! Plus, the more time I take on it, the more I’m spotting these horrendous mistakes that I otherwise wouldn’t have seen/cared about if I was rushing. Intention is good. Discipline and all that.

Now that I’ve embarrassed myself by sharing all that, let me share what I’ve done so far:

wip jul 17 2014

The Sketchbook Project 2014

This thing has to be postmarked in three days. THREE DAYS. I’ve been making progress — more progress in the last week than I made in 6 months — and I still have a bit to go. 9 pages, I believe.

My biggest issues with this project (or any creative project) are fear, poor planning, and choice of medium/mediums/media. When I’m making something for someone else, terror strikes and I feel paralyzed. If it’s for me, then I don’t care and somehow it turns out well. Anything else, though, and I feel incompetent. Smooth lines become jagged from a shaky hand, choosing a color palette is nerve wracking, subject matter–forget about it.

However, in the past few days, I discovered a workable theme, a palette, and — most important — the medium! The pages of the sketchbook are not typical heavyweight paper; they have their limit. In the past, I’ve attempted marker (which bled through) colored pencil becomes time consuming depending on how it’s used (I like to make it saturated and blend blend blend), pastel gets all over the place, and paint wrinkles the pages too much. I have a tin of Derwent Inktense pencils. I use them once in a while for various things, but didn’t use them on the sketchbook until recently. HOLY HELL! They’re magical!

Granted, I’m only using a variety of reds, but still. The paper doesn’t buckle, the color is saturated, but isn’t bleeding through, and adding water gives my hand a much-needed break from the blending of colored pencils.

So, with three days left, I’m pretty sure I can swing it.  Also, sorry for the bad photo!

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Sketchbook Project 2014…

Every year I do the Sketchbook Project offered by the Art House Co-Op in Brooklyn, NY. And every year I don’t send a damn thing in.  Well, last year I did.  I think.  It’s just that I get so excited about it and then completely drop the ball because of a variety of factors: fear, fear of being judged, fear of…being judged.  And fear.  Of being judged.

It (me) = Total Wuss.

I think that’s what it is.  Plus, I feel like I have absolutely zilch to offer.  Who wants to see drawings of dismembered humans whispering secrets to other, naked, humans surrounded by red ribbons?  No one, that’s who.  I haven’t drawn that yet, but it’s in the works.

Until then, here is an in-progress picture (self-portrait type thing) of me whispering to me.

sketchbook project

World of Art Showcase: Raleigh

From November 1st to November 3rd Raleigh’s convention center hosted the World of Art Showcase, sponsored by our favorite art store, Jerry’s Artarama.  In trying to think of how to describe the event, all I can hear in my head is “Wow”.  That’s about all I’ve been able to express about it during and after.  It was so awesome that it turned me stupid.

I was initially excited to go, then I hit a couple weeks where my insecurities about my own art and my own life made me rethink my excitement and ask myself “Why even bother?”.  I told Jer, the husband, that I didn’t buy tickets (that I had intended to buy weeks prior) and after a few days’ worth of conversation and his pushing, I bought the tickets and we went.

As you may know from previous posts, he doesn’t consider himself an “art guy”.  Frankly, the art world freaks him out so much so that he thinks of the “art world” as an actual parallel universe that exists in quotations where he would be an alien lost in a group of artists that wear scarves year round, speak only in color, and eat with palette knives.  I’m assuming this is what goes through his head, anyway, as any mention of him being around people that do art causes his eyes to widen and his pulse becomes clearly visible in his temples. Over the course of those 3 days, however, he learned that these people are humans who not only do art, but they also like pizza, action figures, and enjoy dropping f-bombs when appropriate.  This was good for him.

It was great for me, too.  I was exposed to work that I don’t think I ever would have otherwise been exposed to if not for this event.  And as you may know from my history, there are still days where I feel like opening my front door will bring about death and destruction for all of mankind, however I did make it out of the front door, drove all the way into the city for those 3 days, and I talked to people.  ‘Sup.  I kind of feel like I deserve to shout-whisper a “Fuck yeah!” and perhaps shoot my fist into the air.  Only a few times did I have issues with dissociation, so that was pretty sweet too.  Yeah therapy!  WOO!

Within the next couple of days I’m going to get my photos together (I didn’t take nearly enough and am disappointed with myself about that) and get them on here.  Until then, here’s some pizza (it was yum).

pizza

Etsy shop update…

I can’t remember how long it’s been since I put work in my Etsy shop, but I know it’s been a looooong time.  It’s also been a long time since I updated this blog!

At the moment, there are only 4 ACEOs in my Etsy shop.  Halloween themed ones because, well, Halloween is awesome (as if I have to tell you that)!  It’s the best excuse to dress up as someone else or dress up as a sluttier version of yourself!  Everybody wins!

Here is an Owl.

owl1

Sketching at the NCMA…

Courtesy of Jerry’s Artarama of Raleigh, NC. 

For those that follow, you know how difficult it can be for me to step outside my front door. I felt that if I didn’t take this opportunity that was provided by both Jerry’s Artarama and the North Carolina Museum of Art, I would forever regret it.  So, with severely trembling limbs, I went.  It was fantastic.

I’ve been a member of the NCMA for a few months and haven’t even gone, until today.  I must do it more often! It’s my hope that things like this continue to be available. Brilliant!

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