…makes me want to cry.
I’m trying, I really am, but I am not winning at this type of paper. I’ve read comments and perused tutorials and all of that stuff. “Don’t soak it”, “Soak it for 15 minutes”, “Gesso the front and back so it doesn’t buckle”, “Only use it for drawing!”, etc…
My first attempt was using watercolor pencils. I sketched my figure out, did a bit of shading, and liked how it turned out! Then…I added water. Mistake. I only added a little bit of water, not a lot, and it was still a disaster. So, in an attempt to fix it, I added more paint/water. Of course, it got worse. The paper buckled and pilled. In some sections the paint just lifted right off, leaving my lady speckled. Frantic, I tossed aside all water-related mediums and attempted to smother her with oil pastels (that I don’t even know how to use). I was desperate. Hopeless. The painting was destroyed.
I started off my second attempt being a little cocky, giving a little sashay in my step. “I’m going to gesso the shit out of it!” and that I did. Paper didn’t buckle or pill! It made the surface a bit rough, and that was okay. I lightly sketched an image on the paper, using a ruler, gettin’ my perspective right and everything. Then I added the paint — acrylic this time. Watered-down acrylic. It wasn’t the best move. It didn’t do what I thought it would do. The paint still sort of lifted off, so I reduced the water and added more paint. That seemed to help, but the background lost its subtly tinted sky and bare landscape and was replaced by rough spots and brush marks. I like dry brushing. I might even say I’m not terrible at it. But, I didn’t want to dry brush this one. I wanted it to be smooth, fluid, and pretty. It, too, is a disaster. It looks like I squeezed a whole bunch of acrylic paint on my hand and mashed it on the paper in a fit of rage. It’s terrible. I threw my brush against the table, took a hot shower and cried while in the shower.
I’m a basket case. I’m not giving up, though. Today is a new day! A new day to completely wreck anything I touch! A new day to make a zillion more mistakes, possibly cry some more, but also figure out what I did wrong and try something else. I thought that what I was doing wrong was to even attempt to do any artwork at all, but I need to nudge that out of my head with a hard elbow. Maybe. I’m full of self-doubt today.
If you have comments or advice, I’d love to hear them! In fact, I think I need it.