When progress goes kaput…

Sometimes I liken my moods to a plane and I’m the pilot.

I’ve been really motivated recently. I’ve been getting a lot done, maintaining my house
really well, being very creative and focused. I’ve been keeping up my various social media accounts, updating them with pictures of what I’m currently working on. I’ve just been doing really well.

About the plane… For the past 2 days I’ve felt a descent. Not a gradual descent. More like
my engines suddenly failed. I woke up and the colors weren’t nearly as bright and vivid as they have been. Never a good sign.

A few things can happen. I quickly descend in a very rough way, unsure about the landing. Or I quickly descend in a graceful way, unsure about the landing, but able to control the plane enough that I have a chance of not crashing. Maybe I have time to plan. There’s still that uncertainty, though.

When I get close to land, I might be able to land the plane in a relatively safe way.
Certainly some turbulence and discomfort. The seat belt will undoubtedly dig into my thighs and leave some bruises, but I’ll be okay. Shaken up, but okay. Or I crash and burn. The plane is wrecked and cleanup will take some time.

I think I’ve been hypomanic. I want to believe that all of this progress I’ve been making,
all of this focus and drive is 100% me. I did this. I created and maintained this. I am
doing great. The way the plane is shaking, though, I think it might’ve been hypomania and I’m getting ready to descend.

So far, my descension isn’t reckless, so I’m definitely ahead. I’m noticing it rather than
my engines bursting into flames. I’m getting little warnings here and there, letting me
know something’s amiss.

I have a feeling I’ll land with some grace. My fear is that everything I’ve been doing will
stop. The motivation will stay gone. I remember, though, that the desire has not left.
That’s a great sign! Maybe I can work with that.

In the meantime, here’s a photo of my oldest boy, Patrick. He’s 15 and a professional. What is he a professional of? I’m not sure, he won’t tell me. It’s clearly something really
important, though.

Illustration Friday: Lost

I’ll be honest: this was not made for this week’s Illustration Friday theme, but I think it fits very well. The word is “Lost” and the painting (“Lost and Found”) matches. This painting (6 in. x 9 in. with 1 inch border) was made a couple of weeks ago using watercolors. As usual, it contains bits of my own self image, the idea of loss, and even the eventual celebration of what loss can illuminate.

The idea of 365 days…

Obviously NOT my idea… I don’t know how many days I would have shoved into one year if I was in charge of that project, but I wasn’t. Maybe 5? Be really REALLY old and still look totally kick-ass? Yes, thank you.

Moving on to more sensible things, the idea of doing something everyday of the year – 365 days – intrigues me and makes me slightly ill. I’m not talking about showering or sleeping or eating the food. I mean doing what I have seen so many others accomplish – make a blog post every.single.day. Yikes.

I admire those that can do it. I even admire those that try. I like the idea of doing it, but, as I am with many things, the fear of failing is so, so great. So I haven’t even attempted. I think I might, though. I would like to try.

Aside from my fear and the many ways it manifests itself (and there are many), my other problem with not always accomplishing things is my horrible memory. If I connect a day of the week with a topic, then I think my chances of actually succeeding at posting something every day are a bit better than if I just tried to wing it.

This is why I like Illustration Friday. It’s on a Friday! So on Fridays, I get to have a pretty good idea of what I’m going to illustrate (even though, as you know, I don’t always actually do that…). Since I’m slightly more determined than not to give this a go, I have Friday checked off. Now I just need Monday – Thursday and then Saturday and Sunday.

I’ve noticed that people that post every day of the year sometimes don’t even write anything. They just slap a picture up on their blog…I like that idea! I don’t like it, though, if it doesn’t make sense. I suppose that would be okay, though, yeah? Nonsense is sometimes the best sense. Certainly can be the most fun!

Tonight I am going to figure out themes/topics for the rest of the days of the week and I’m making tomorrow (Saturday 24th of March) my start day. I might not make it to 365 days, but I am going to try to do one whole week! *weak laugh * HA! My air just sputtered out of my balloon, but that’s okay because I can use my airless balloon as a slingshot. Yes.

Tell me if you have ideas for the other days of the week! Like…Macabre Monday (that actually appeals to me now that I typed it out…) or something easy to remember!